08.21.08
Frantic days, exhausted nights
My to-do list and projects lists are expanding at a mind-boggling rate these days. It seems as though I just get a few things done and checked off my lists, then five more tasks magically materialize to replace them. I’m juggling more balls than a circus clown on speed. I have tasks and reminders scribbled on scraps of paper, recorded in my Outlook tasks, and listed on my Excel spreadsheet. Some are overlapping while others are listed only once– and subject to being lost among the growing piles on my desk (again!). Will I ever return to the peaceful days when I sometimes grew bored with routine tasks and long gaps between special projects? Most days now there’s hardly time for me to catch my breath, much less daydream.
I haven’t written much in this blog lately because I’m finding it impossible to relax long enough so I can think, which enables me to write, which enables me to think some more. My brain needs periods of quiet and introspection in order to digest and absorb the dozens of random thoughts running wild through it. Writing helps me to lasso those thoughts into an orderly herd, so I can lead them to productive outcomes at work. Without introspection and writing, those thoughts get jumbled up and tumbled up, stepping all over each other in their frantic dance. If too many of them are dancing about in my brain, no to-do list or priority list can tame them. The end result– my brain freezes up and I accomplish nothing. I feel like a scratched track on a CD– skip, skip, skip– no forward movement through my day.
I collapse into bed every night, despite having so many thoughts buzzing through my head up until it hits the pillow. I find myself hungering for the weekends, hoping I can rest and renew my energy, both physical and mental, before I face yet another hectic week. I often wonder how long I will be able to keep up with this breakneck pace of managing so many new projects, most of them with no end in sight. I know I should be thankful for my job when so many people are losing theirs in this economy. It’s just that sometimes it’s hard to appreciate what you have when you’re so close to the beast that you can’t see the whites of its eyes.
06.11.08
A juggling act
Some days when I arrive at my office, my mind is abuzz with everything I need to do. Some tasks I do daily, like sending files of bibliographic records to Marcive for authority control or checking catalogers’ work as they cross-train into other areas. Other tasks are part of bigger projects, like updating documentation, filling out vendor profiles, or reviewing vendor work to assess the quality of shelf-ready books. Some days all tasks get pushed to the side as meetings, webinars, and employee counseling sessions eat into my time. Some tasks like the six-month overdue employee performance appraisals never get started, much less finished, because something else of burning importance invariably comes up.
It’s a never-ending juggling act that sometimes leaves me literally short of breath– I mean shallow breathing, hyperventilating, short of breath. It comes from the feeling that everything, from small task to big project, is due right now– a feeling that all are of equal importance and high priority. In my mind, I know this isn’t possible or even realistic. But in my panicked heart of hearts, I sometimes wonder if it will all crush me some day, like a tiny bug under a size 11 shoe.
Thanks to the stress, my hair is graying at a faster rate than some of my staff are working in a day’s time. My facial skin is breaking out and the skin on my forearms is getting blotchy (probably just age spots). I’m skipping lunch, working late, and I never exercise any more (bad, bad, I know). I think I look perennially tired, but thankfully, nobody has pointed it out to me (yet). I have more to read, to do, and to think about than ever before.
Despite all the stress, I’m enjoying the challengesof my job more than ever before. We’re starting a digitization project with OCLC’s CONTENTdm software, we’re getting shelf-ready books from two (and possibly three) vendors, we’re looking at ways to streamline our cataloging and processing procedures, we’re going to install Innovative Interfaces’ Floating Collections product, and I’m still trying to re-organize my department’s workflow and cross train staff in response to a consultant’s recommendations last fall. All of this is in addition to serving on numerous committees within and outside of my library. Every so often I drop a ball or two, but not for long. There’s always someone to remind me to pick it back up again.
05.29.08
Spreadsheet to-do-list
I recently dug up and refreshed a to-do list I had created in Excel, because from September to December of last year, it worked so well for me use a spreadsheet to keep track of big and small projects. When I first opened the file and looked it over, it was one very long list, with lots of stuff checked off and almost as much stuff still not checked off. I found it overwhelming to look at and darn near closed it up right then and there! I know I could have removed the rows with the checked off stuff, but I like to see that I’ve accomplished things, so that wasn’t the answer. I know it sounds dumb, but it works for me.
I decided to break the tasks into categories as tabbed sections, since I had roughly organized them this way they developed last fall. What better way to keep each list separate and more manageable, yet still together in one Excel file. I find that I like seeing the main categories on the tabs and viewing just one tab at a time, but with the others just a click away. It’s so much easier to focus on the tasks listed there and know how far along I’m coming on a big project. Just for the record– I’ve tried to organize my tasks in Microsoft’s Outlook by assigning them to categories, but every so often, my computer hiccups and rearranges my task list. Then I waste time trying to reconstruct the view so I can figure out where I left off.
I guess the thing I like about the spreadsheet method for my to-do list is that it doesn’t have annoying reminders. If I use Outlook and try to set deadlines on too many tasks, they seem to pop up at inopportune times and I end up ignoring the reminders. It’s too hard to predict that at 8 am the next day, I will definitely be doing a particular task, which will then be followed by an additional task with another reminder. If I can’t do a task as it was originally scheduled, I know I can move the reminder to another time or day, but then I’m just putting it off, sometimes indefinitely. I’m very good at procrastinating on my own, so I don’t need help from any software.
I do try to use reminders sparingly, though, so I won’t forget to do really important things, like attend meetings or do something by a specific date. I find that I tend to pay more attention to those types of reminders and never ignore them or put them off. It’s a rare occasion that I miss a meeting or turn in paperwork late when I set a reminder for it. For everything else, the spreadsheet gives me much more flexibility to work my tasks into my schedule, rather than schedule tasks into my workday.
05.21.08
To-do lists
Only a packrat like me can accumulate multiple to-do lists. I recently mentioned the scraps of paper I’ve been collecting with tasks and projects to do and the need to put them all together. In trying to think of a location to compile them (and do them- including checking them off), I remembered the Excel spreadsheet I started last fall. I still had it on my thumb drive, so I plugged it into my laptop and began transferring tasks and projects from scraps of paper to the spreadsheet.
It was nice to see all the things I’d accomplished last fall. I knew I felt busy at the time and the spreadsheet confirmed it– it had lots of stuff checked off. Ahhh, a rare sense of accomplishment. But when I opened the file, I noticed the last time I updated it was 12/4/07. Hmmm…. had it really been that long since I last used it? I discovered a few tasks and projects that weren’t checked off and yes, they still needed to be done. Darn–forgetting them didn’t make them go away.
I know I should work harder at delegating things to other people, but it’s a skill I’m not very good at. There are lots of things at my library where I’m the only one trained or authorized in the software to do them, so delegation isn’t as simple as picking an employee and saying, “Here- this is your project. I want it done by…” If I get too many questions when I assign something, I feel like I didn’t explain it clearly enough or train the person well enough so they could work on it independently.
I also need to break down bigger projects into smaller steps that either have deadlines or target dates, so I can know if I’m on track or way off it. I recently worked with an employee to do this for our digitization plan and we both like having a general timeline in which to begin digitizing and cataloging local maps and photographs. I need to go back to my other big projects that have been hanging around my neck like an albatross and put them on timelines as well. Maybe that will give me an incentive to squeeze them in and stay on track– and maybe even complete them before I retire decades from now.
05.12.08
Workload exceeds maximum!
Each time I got a voice mail today, my voice mail system gave me an ominous warning that my inbox was getting so full, it was considering not letting me hear any messages. It told me I had to delete or move emails first in order to free up space. It came down to my basic curiosity– how bad did I want to know who the caller was or what they wanted? Would it be worth it to free up inbox space just to find out I had a new task, project, or problem to handle?
Hmmm… curiosity got the better of me. I decided to squirrel away some unread newsletters that were piling up. I stuffed them into a folder on my hard drive, along with dozens of other unread newsletters from the same sender. Sigh… wish I had time to read them. Maybe someday…. Wait- forget that daydream of getting caught up– the voice mail beckons. After hearing it, I was right. I have a new project to work on and a phone call to return. Guess I’ll have to read those newsletters later, whenever that is…
I’m so far behind on reading my blogs I might as well clear out the aggregator and start over. When I worry about what I may have missed in unread blog posts, I try to tell myself if it were that important, I’d find time to read them every day. Of course, that’s easier said than done, especially when the voice mail and email inboxes are full to bursting.
In addition to emails, voice mails, and newsletters, I tried desperately to keep up with new projects today by writing them down on a pad of paper. It was a great idea– until I remembered I had several pads of paper scattered about my desktop with lots of old projects written on them. Guess it’s time to consolidate them on one large piece of paper and figure out which ones need to be done first.
I’ve tried putting new projects or tasks into Microsoft Outlook’s tasks and assigning due dates, reminders, and priorities. But they only end up annoying me when the reminder pops up and I don’t have time to do the task or project right then, usually because something else has come up. I know I can change the reminder or even dismiss it. I can also ignore it and have the software tell me how many hours, days, or even weeks I’ve been ignoring it. There’s nothing like being reminded you’re really far behind on your to-do list–and like a true packrat, I can accumulate overdue reminders like nobody else.
03.26.08
Chaos
I should never leave the office during the week. Chaos inevitably breaks out. Not that it doesn’t break out most days– it’s just that when I’m gone, I’m at a bit of a disadvantage of being in the loop of general information. Even checking email from home keeps me only partially in the loop, since face-to-face communication is impossible and I miss phone calls.
When I’ve been gone from my office, it seems like so many people come in with questions, problems, or just general chit-chat as soon as I return. The backlog of people running in and out of my office makes it near impossible to complete a simple task, like reply to an email of equal importance to the problems being brought to me in person. Some days I fantasize about assigning everyone a number– then they can’t come into my office until I call their number. It works for people returning stuff at Target. Closing the door doesn’t work– I’ve had people open it anyway and others stand outside, waiting to be noticed while I was participating in a teleconference or webinar.
It’s kind of nice when everyone goes home late in the afternoon; the phone stops ringing, the office visits stop and I can finally really concentrate. Unfortunately, it’s hard to dig into something that takes deep concentration when I have 30 minutes left and I’ve already worked almost an hour overtime. My brain is plumb worn out and my family is wondering if I’ll ever come home.
In a fit of desperation at the end of today, I threw a bunch of papers (all of them new problems) into my in-box. I knew it was probably a death-knell for them, since I didn’t file them and they represented a multitude of unresolved problems. But I wanted that clean desktop facing me tomorrow morning, so I’ll be prepared if (or when) more chaos breaks out. If I have a quiet moment during the day, I may pull out one of those papers and see if the problem has magically resolved itself.
03.04.08
Progress
Last week I continued to work on spot-cleaning of my hanging files whenever I was waiting for files to copy & paste or hard drives to back up. I went through a file on authority control and dumped stuff that was 10+ years old. The information on those papers represented most of what I’ve learned over the years about authority records and authority control, but most of it is available on the AUTOCAT discussion list’s archives. I bet I haven’t consulted those papers since I first printed them off and stuffed them in the file, so tossing them wasn’t the big deal I thought it would be.
Meanwhile, I’ve begun taking Adderall XR for ADHD. Wow! What a difference it makes. I took my first dose Friday around 10:30 am, assured by the pharmacist it wasn’t too late in the day to take a dose of this extended-release stimulant drug. Was he ever wrong! I felt as though I injected a triple shot of espresso coffee and was in hyper-overdrive all day, able to leap tall mountains in a single bound.
I was still going at 2 am Saturday morning and my mind raced through vivid, psychotic dreams all night. I awoke at 6 am not because I was refreshed after 4 hours’ sleep, but because sunlight was streaming in my bedroom window and the cat was meowing piteously for breakfast. I found an extra pillow and buried my face under it, effectively shutting out both the sunlight and the cat and forced myself back to sleep.
Saturday, I took my dose earlier in the morning and sailed through the day shopping with my teenage daughter and dealing with ATT to resolve the issue surrounding her suddenly deceased, under-warranty cell phone. I felt super-efficient, able to stay on-task, make decisions, and see things through to the end. When the Adderall wore off around 5 pm, I had hopes I could get to sleep easier that night. I didn’t feel near as wired as I had the day before. Three glasses of wine and a midnight bedtime seemed to work better, although I still had vivid dreams most of the night. I slept until 9 am Sunday morning, missing church, but feeling much more refreshed.
I debated on Sunday whether or not to take another dose. What if I couldn’t get to sleep Sunday night? What if I didn’t take it and had withdrawal symptoms? Adderall is a Schedule II controlled substance– very scary stuff, so I feel as though I’m playing with fire. Like fire, it can be very helpful or it can severely burn you. I liked the feelings of focus, follow-through, and efficiency I felt on Saturday. I had a lot to accomplish on Sunday, so I decided to take a dose.
One of the things I like about taking Adderall is that I really can focus on tasks, especially the undesirable or boring ones– like reviewing my employees’ work. Procrastination is simply wiped away. Yesterday, I tackled books with the ugliest call number problems and dove into cataloging challenges that have been lying around my office for months. Two copies of the same book with different call numbers? No problem! Cataloging automobile maintenance examination study guides? Bring ‘em on! How about that Indiana Code with confusing replacement volumes? I can handle it.
Hanging files– you’d better watch out. I see a heartless purge in your future.
